Why Do We Blame Others? When We Can Just Have Eggs For Dinner?

Why Do We Blame Others

 

As I was writing this article, I suddenly had a very simple situation related to blaming others.

This is neither grave nor huge, but if we take into consideration that huge things start from simple habits, this I deduce is a very simple but precise example of how we tend to blame others on a day to day basis.

I usually cook daily, get my menu listed a day before and shop for the ingredients I need so it’s ready the next morning. Why Do We Blame OthersYesterday, I wasn’t able to do it. So I then have to resort to whatever there is in the fridge and enjoy a nice scrambled egg for breakfast and maybe boiled ones for dinner, lol.

I share an apartment with my two brothers, my older I informed that we only have eggs prepared for dinner. He then replied to me saying he bought something to cook the night before.

I immediately had the tendency of blaming him for not telling me and message him this way: “You should have told me so I could have prepared it.”

But reminding myself that it won’t change anything, I deleted it and replaced with: “We’ll have it then either for tomorrow or later if we still have time to cook.”

 

I could have messaged him the first one so

(1) I can expel myself from the responsibility of not being able to do my routine task of buying ingredients and cooking;

(2) shift that responsibility to my brother; and

(3) make him feel like he did something wrong when in reality, it was me who wasn’t able to do my responsibility;

 

Or, I can just let it go as I did because it’s nothing worth discussing, do not change a thing, and can cause negative emotions at least for him.

From there I realized that if there is one main reason of blaming others, that is to get yourself out of the hook of a responsibility and be able to shift it to others, making others feel vulnerable and responsible.

For someone who aspires to live a positive life and experience personal development, I immediately realized that frequently blaming others is one of the habits that won’t help me have one.

Check the below other reasons:

 

Why Do People Resort To Blaming Others?

Why Do We Blame Others

1. It is easier to blame others than focus on your own mistakes and wrong decisions.

2. You use blaming as a defense mechanism for your own weaknesses and limitations.

3. You do not believe in yourself. Blaming others keep you from having responsibilities that you do not believe you are capable of handling.

4. You fear of making another mistake.

5. You thought you solved a problem by removing responsibility from yourself, which in reality, takes away your freedom to have control over the situation.

6. You let yourself off the hook.

7. Some people get emotional satisfaction by talking about other people’s mistakes and wrongdoings or making others feel guilty.

8. Some have the craving to always appear like they are not capable of making mistakes.

 

How Do You Know You’re A Blamer?

1. When you are upset, do you point fingers at someone for making you feel that way?

2. When somebody advises you and such advice put you in an unfavorable situation, do you put blame on the person?

3. Do you constantly make other people feel like they did something wrong in any given situation?

4. Do you always look at what could have happened and point fingers at anyone who caused them to not happen?

If your answer is yes to all or any of these, then voila, you’re a blamer.

Why Do We Blame Others

 

Other examples of common blame:

1. Blaming the television networks for influencing and mind setting you into the habit of buying, when in fact, you’re the one who keep spending your time watching television.

2. Blaming the government for your situation while others work harder to have a better life.

3. Blaming easy access to junk and unhealthy foods when it’s you who cannot discipline yourself from enjoying them.

4. Blaming banks for high-interest rates that cause huge unpaid debts when you resort to making loans in order to satisfy material needs beyond your means instead of using it to increase cash flow.

5. Blaming your parents for not having a good life during your childhood when others have taken that as an inspiration to do better and become the instrument of their family’s progress.

6. Blaming your partner when your relationships are not working when it always takes two to tango.

7. Employees blaming their boss when their not getting the success they want in their jobs when they can either leave and find another one or set a goal and pursue them.

Why Do We Blame Others

 

Why Blaming Others Won’t Get You Anywhere?

Reason # 1 – Cost you your freedom.

Blaming others cost you the authority to be in charge of the situation. The solution or absence of it was placed in other people’s hand hence giving them the control in your total life experience, be it their actual fault or not. You give power to someone else by allowing them to do the rest of what needs to be done.

 

Reason # 2 – Tendency to experience the same in the future.

The blame-game hinders you from learning the lessons behind every failure, mistakes, and misfortune.

“Situations keep repeating itself until we learn the lessons.”

 

Reason # 3 – It will keep you stuck.

You thought you solved one of your problems by delegating the responsibility to someone else, but the reality is, since you don’t have control over their actions, their inaction will cause you to be stuck in the same situation. You put yourself at the mercy of what might happen, without the ability to handle it.

 

Reason # 4 – Tendency to enter the negative zone.

When you blame, you automatically enter the negative zone by causing an undesirable feeling of guilt to someone else. If it’s actually somebody else’s fault, blaming others will increase your feeling of distrust and disappointment. Rather than focusing on this, you might as well take it as an opportunity to test yourself in your ability to overcome challenges.

 

Reason # 5 – Hinders personal growth.

Blaming others will keep you from realizing and accepting your part of the problem, hence limiting yourself to improve what you could have done that caused the problem.

 

Reason # 6 – Damages relationships.

The habit of blaming others make them feel indifferent in doing things with you since they know that when things go wrong, you always have to find fault with others instead of fixing the problem together.

 

Click here to LEARN HOW TO STOP BLAMING

 

Final Thoughts:

The focus of this article is on making each one of us understand that it would be much more beneficial to solve the problem instead of spending time pointing whom to blame.

If someone needs to be punished for misconduct, let it be, but you have to really be cautious in not letting your life be on pause just because a situation is waiting to be solved by the person or group you blame for your current situation.

However, there is no reason to think that not blaming others would mean blaming yourself. The idea of stopping the habit of blaming in general is for you to be able to not resort to pointing fingers, otherwise, in overcoming every challenge that comes your way.

Why Do We Blame OthersBe it somebody else’s fault or not, your life is at risk of losing freedom and wasting time. Since you cannot control other’s actions or inactions, it’s time to do the best that you can in order to get out of any undesirable situations and take responsibility for your life.

Just like worrying, blaming others do not change any of your current situations, instead, robs you the chance to know the real cause of the issue and be able to solve the same.

After all, it is you who decide who to listen to, who to spend days with, and who to do things with, therefore, you also have the power to regain control of any undesirable situations that may occur as a result of any relationship with anyone.

So next time you have the need to blame others for your situation, remember this article and go eat some eggs for dinner. (wink)

I’d be happy to know your thoughts in the comment section below.

 

All the best,
King Kong’s Girl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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22 comments / Add your comment below

  1. You are so right, while we are aware that blaming others will never solve the problem but will just make matters worse, we still resort to this. I guess because this is the easiest way to avoid the problem so we do not have to own up to our own mistakes and shortcomings.

    I’m a Christian and I see this blame game played by many fellows. Whenever they get caught committing sin or giving in to temptations, they are very quick to blame Satan. Instead of acknowledging right away that they have sinned and then ask for God’s forgiveness, their common response is to blame the “enemy.”

    Thanks for reminding us that pointing fingers at other people will hinder not only personal growth but spiritual growth as well.

    1. Hi Alice, that’s refreshing. Honestly, I never thought of it while writing this. You know better since you’re the one experiencing it first hand. Although I can imagine that in a religious community, commandments from the Holy Book are reminded repeatedly, hence easier to cite if one is committing a sin, making the blame game more common. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  2. What an amazing article. I am really out of words, there are so many situations where we try to put the blame on others without realizing it will take us now where. It’s an eye-opener and I realized Yes, I had been a blamer before and now understand why I resorted to blaming others.
    Thanks for sharing this, it really helped me and will help others to understand that blaming won’t led us anywhere.

  3. Great article, I love it! Here’s a story I think fits. You decide the reason for blaming, though.
    When my wife and I were first married, we had a division of labor in the house, kind of traditional. She handled the laundry.
    If I ran out of socks and underwear, I’d get upset and give her a hard time about it.
    Then I realized, before we were married, I did my own laundry. And I could still do my own laundry. And if I ran out of socks or underwear, I’d only have myself to blame. So, one time when I was about to go off about not having socks, I decided instead to do my own damn laundry! And I told her, no, I’m not upset, but my laundry was no longer her responsibility. I was taking back my job.
    Why add a totally unnecessary reason to blame someone and wreck an evening, when it’s as simple as doing something yourself? It’s not like laundry is a huge mental or physical challenge!
    So, there’s my 2 cents, and I hope it adds to your “laundry list” of blame reasons, and ways to get out of the habit.

    1. Hi Sam, I can relate to that. I do my brother’s laundry as well from time to time. However, whenever he ran out of pants or shirts, he keeps asking me why I didn’t include this or that. I give no response to his rant because after a while he will realize that I’m only doing him a favor.

      It all starts with our home. I read a recent article about taking responsibility while researching for my next post. Studies show that although there is no actual standard of parenting, parents of successful children have common ways of disciplining children. The main one is teaching their child to do household chores.

      As I’ve mentioned in the article, it starts with simple habits, which are usually practiced at home.

  4. Blaming others is a habit that people get into when they don’t want to take responsibility. However, taking responsibility and owning up to mistakes helps you to learn and grow faster than blaming people for the situations and circumstances. Unfortunately, we see a lot of blaming in politics these days. They take it to the next level.

  5. Wow! Great article. I had to read it twice! I think as we mature we all play the blame game until we realize as you wrote that blaming other doesn’t get us anywhere. We are the only one who has control over how we react and what we do in any situation.

    When I was younger I was complaining about something and someone who I had complete respect in as me what I had done to cause all these problems in my life…

    I always look at what I can do or what I did to create any circumstance I am in whether it be good or not so good.

    Oh, by the way. I love eggs 🙂

    1. Hi Steven, I’m glad you liked it. And I’m glad someone had you thinking and checking your own actions. Everyone has worries, we’ve got to learn how to handle ours not only for our own good but in order to be able to help others overcome theirs as well. I love eggs too.

  6. Great stuff, Ms.” Darrow”. The Blame Game is indeed tricky. There is no entrance fee, no audition is necessary…just our willingness to play or stay. Many times we are playing before we even know it.
    I think that not blaming OURSELVES is equally important. I think I’ve become good at accepting my own responsibility for my actions, most of the time. But I am always keenly aware( blame) if someone messed with me or someone close to me and I have a long memory towards that. Probably too long. But if someone apologizes, in one way or another,…. I’ll forgive. If not…….
    And If someone tries to blame ME for something THEY did………grrrrrr. I fire back and I am then deeply into the game.
    It’s hard for me sometimes to traverse that fine line between justice and retribution.
    By the bye, I hope Kong didn’t blame YOU for his nosedive off the Empire State Building. He might have. We men are like that sometimes…………..great post…………..John T.

    1. You made me laugh John, thank you. Kong just showed that love conquers all, even the Empire State. After all, he’s the one who climbed that building, I was also wondering why He did that, lol. He’s the one who put himself in a vulnerable situation.

      I agree with you, not blaming others doesn’t mean blaming ourselves, it’s all about not getting stuck. Regarding firing back if someone blames me, there are times I do, when it’s my siblings, putting up an argument with them is sometimes fun. But most often with others, I just keep my cool.

      Appreciate your comment.

  7. Amazing article, just this morning I blamed my boyfriend for making me be late at work, you’re absolutely right, the only reason I did it was because I couldn’t accept my own faults and I was panicking and stressed and blaming it all on him was the easiest way to cope, thanks for writing this!

    1. You’re welcome Jennifer, minimizing, if not getting out of the blame game, will improve not only your relationship but most importantly, you being accountable for your own actions.

  8. Love reading your posts. They are so thought provoking. This one is especially good. I guess we all are guilty of playing the blame game now and then but I do know that with some people it is their way of coping. I can remember as a child when my siblings and I got into trouble and Dad asked who had started it, we would be quick to blame each other. In that case, Dad would say, you will all be punished. We got out of that habit rather quickly. The punishment could be pretty harsh, like missing out on a treat, no picnic that week, no movie on Saturday morning. All things we liked. Dad was a man of his word, if he said no, it was no.

    1. Thank you, Jill. Yes, we all are, blaming is one of those negative tendencies that comes naturally. Thank you for sharing your experience. Your dad is a good dad. How he fathered you and your siblings would have left traces by how disciplined you’ve become afterward.

  9. Well this is someting I’m consciously trying to work on but still tend to fall back into. Its pretty easy to externalize the blame isnt it?
    The quote you have from the Dalai Lama really sums it up for me the best. When your focus is within, the world will automatically become a better place.

    1. You’re right Vivek, it all starts within. We all fall back into blaming one way or another. What’s important is that we become more and more aware of it and are willing to change little by little. Thank you for your comment.

  10. I love it! We had pancakes for dinner one day last week and I felt like I got blamed – I try not to blame others for my stuff – but being mom with a teenager who likes to blame me for everything does not help my quest for a positive life. I still work on me every day and pray she finds a way to see that she is responsible for how she feels – and stop blaming me! 🙂

    1. Haha, that’s an issue for me too. Okay I get it, I know blaming is not good for me, but what happens when I become the subject of blame? That’s a whole different story. In your case, I could only recommend this post, that is if your daughter will be able to read this. Or tell her directly it isn’t good to blame others, or just let it be until she realizes she has to make a change in this area. I have people around who love to blame as well. My initial reaction is to tell them how I shouldn’t be blamed. When they don’t accept that fact and still continue defending themselves, I just let it go. After you say your point, I believe the next best thing to do is to keep your silence.

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