As I was writing this article, I suddenly had a very simple situation related to blaming others.
This is neither grave nor huge, but if we take into consideration that huge things start from simple habits, this I deduce is a very simple but precise example of how we tend to blame others on a day to day basis.
I usually cook daily, get my menu listed a day before and shop for the ingredients I need so it’s ready the next morning. Yesterday, I wasn’t able to do it. So I then have to resort to whatever there is in the fridge and enjoy a nice scrambled egg for breakfast and maybe boiled ones for dinner, lol.
I share an apartment with my two brothers, my older I informed that we only have eggs prepared for dinner. He then replied to me saying he bought something to cook the night before.
I immediately had the tendency of blaming him for not telling me and message him this way: “You should have told me so I could have prepared it.”
But reminding myself that it won’t change anything, I deleted it and replaced with: “We’ll have it then either for tomorrow or later if we still have time to cook.”
I could have messaged him the first one so
(1) I can expel myself from the responsibility of not being able to do my routine task of buying ingredients and cooking;
(2) shift that responsibility to my brother; and
(3) make him feel like he did something wrong when in reality, it was me who wasn’t able to do my responsibility;
Or, I can just let it go as I did because it’s nothing worth discussing, do not change a thing, and can cause negative emotions at least for him.
From there I realized that if there is one main reason of blaming others, that is to get yourself out of the hook of a responsibility and be able to shift it to others, making others feel vulnerable and responsible.
For someone who aspires to live a positive life and experience personal development, I immediately realized that frequently blaming others is one of the habits that won’t help me have one.
Check the below other reasons:
Why Do People Resort To Blaming Others?
1. It is easier to blame others than focus on your own mistakes and wrong decisions.
2. You use blaming as a defense mechanism for your own weaknesses and limitations.
3. You do not believe in yourself. Blaming others keep you from having responsibilities that you do not believe you are capable of handling.
4. You fear of making another mistake.
5. You thought you solved a problem by removing responsibility from yourself, which in reality, takes away your freedom to have control over the situation.
6. You let yourself off the hook.
7. Some people get emotional satisfaction by talking about other people’s mistakes and wrongdoings or making others feel guilty.
8. Some have the craving to always appear like they are not capable of making mistakes.
How Do You Know You’re A Blamer?
1. When you are upset, do you point fingers at someone for making you feel that way?
2. When somebody advises you and such advice put you in an unfavorable situation, do you put blame on the person?
3. Do you constantly make other people feel like they did something wrong in any given situation?
4. Do you always look at what could have happened and point fingers at anyone who caused them to not happen?
If your answer is yes to all or any of these, then voila, you’re a blamer.
Other examples of common blame:
1. Blaming the television networks for influencing and mind setting you into the habit of buying, when in fact, you’re the one who keep spending your time watching television.
2. Blaming the government for your situation while others work harder to have a better life.
3. Blaming easy access to junk and unhealthy foods when it’s you who cannot discipline yourself from enjoying them.
4. Blaming banks for high-interest rates that cause huge unpaid debts when you resort to making loans in order to satisfy material needs beyond your means instead of using it to increase cash flow.
5. Blaming your parents for not having a good life during your childhood when others have taken that as an inspiration to do better and become the instrument of their family’s progress.
6. Blaming your partner when your relationships are not working when it always takes two to tango.
7. Employees blaming their boss when their not getting the success they want in their jobs when they can either leave and find another one or set a goal and pursue them.
Why Blaming Others Won’t Get You Anywhere?
Reason # 1 – Cost you your freedom.
Blaming others cost you the authority to be in charge of the situation. The solution or absence of it was placed in other people’s hand hence giving them the control in your total life experience, be it their actual fault or not. You give power to someone else by allowing them to do the rest of what needs to be done.
Reason # 2 – Tendency to experience the same in the future.
The blame-game hinders you from learning the lessons behind every failure, mistakes, and misfortune.
“Situations keep repeating itself until we learn the lessons.”
Reason # 3 – It will keep you stuck.
You thought you solved one of your problems by delegating the responsibility to someone else, but the reality is, since you don’t have control over their actions, their inaction will cause you to be stuck in the same situation. You put yourself at the mercy of what might happen, without the ability to handle it.
Reason # 4 – Tendency to enter the negative zone.
When you blame, you automatically enter the negative zone by causing an undesirable feeling of guilt to someone else. If it’s actually somebody else’s fault, blaming others will increase your feeling of distrust and disappointment. Rather than focusing on this, you might as well take it as an opportunity to test yourself in your ability to overcome challenges.
Reason # 5 – Hinders personal growth.
Blaming others will keep you from realizing and accepting your part of the problem, hence limiting yourself to improve what you could have done that caused the problem.
Reason # 6 – Damages relationships.
The habit of blaming others make them feel indifferent in doing things with you since they know that when things go wrong, you always have to find fault with others instead of fixing the problem together.
Click here to LEARN HOW TO STOP BLAMING
The focus of this article is on making each one of us understand that it would be much more beneficial to solve the problem instead of spending time pointing whom to blame.
If someone needs to be punished for misconduct, let it be, but you have to really be cautious in not letting your life be on pause just because a situation is waiting to be solved by the person or group you blame for your current situation.
However, there is no reason to think that not blaming others would mean blaming yourself. The idea of stopping the habit of blaming in general is for you to be able to not resort to pointing fingers, otherwise, in overcoming every challenge that comes your way.
Be it somebody else’s fault or not, your life is at risk of losing freedom and wasting time. Since you cannot control other’s actions or inactions, it’s time to do the best that you can in order to get out of any undesirable situations and take responsibility for your life.
Just like worrying, blaming others do not change any of your current situations, instead, robs you the chance to know the real cause of the issue and be able to solve the same.
After all, it is you who decide who to listen to, who to spend days with, and who to do things with, therefore, you also have the power to regain control of any undesirable situations that may occur as a result of any relationship with anyone.
So next time you have the need to blame others for your situation, remember this article and go eat some eggs for dinner. (wink)
I’d be happy to know your thoughts in the comment section below.
All the best,
King Kong’s Girl