How To Stop Blaming Others: 7 Simple Tips

How to stop blaming others

“A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.” –John Burroughs

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” –Robert Anthony

Blame is an act of holding other people responsible for an action, making the blamer feel superior highlighting flaws and imperfections of the other. While, others also call blamers as “The Victims” in which way of thinking can lead to helplessness and depression, blaming is not always negative.

Blaming others when appropriate can stop any harm in its track and can protect us in some cases because some people need to know if they’ve done something wrong and corrected if necessary. However, blaming others whose at fault can increase a feeling of distrust and disappointment, which is in return, negative in nature.

Whatever justification we can give either when we blame others because it’s their fault or we’re just into the habit of blaming, the fact still remains that blaming diverts our attention from focusing on making things right.

How then do we stop blaming others? Below are some simple tips:

Some Simple Tips!

Tip # 1 – Let it go.

If it’s other’s fault and it’s comprised of small, small things that won’t cause you any harm, let it go.

Tip # 2 – Recognize when you’re blaming.

Notice the use of “you” and “should” in your words when dealing with a situation and you will realize you are getting started to play the blame-game.

Tip # 3 – Take a moment to be conscious.

When you’re dealing with a situation, stop yourself by taking a deep breath or counting backward from ten to 1 to refocus your mind on finding a solution first. You can talk about how and why something went wrong afterward in order to improve the relationship.

Tip # 4 – Put your feet in other’s shoes.

Realize that we are all equals. Take some time with yourself in order to review the situation and become the person you’re blaming. What would you have done if you were in his shoes?

Tip # 5 – Accept.

Accept the fact that since you are part of the situation, you are also part of how it materialized. Admitting you also committed a mistake is a sign of the strength of character. By these mistakes do we learn about ourselves and find ways to improve. The only way not to commit a mistake is to not do anything in life.

Tip # 6 – Focus on the current situation.

Avoid thinking of what could or should have been because this will lead to the question of whose fault it didn’t happen the way it should. Instead, focus on finding the solution.

Tip # 7 – Find and learn the lesson.

Know this, every experience is filled with lessons that will improve us to become a better person. Instead of blaming others, and aside from finding the solution, focus on searching for these lessons.

Final Thoughts

All of us have worries as I’ve mentioned in my previous article about How To Stop Worrying. Some people, whether intentionally or not do some things that were a result of how frustrated they become. Most of the time, it’s not about us. How to stop blaming othersBlaming them for something and making them feel responsible for your misfortune will add burden to what they’re already going through unless they do it intentionally.

If they do, and we resort to blaming, we’ll find ourselves disappointed or lose trust to the person and/or to others in general.

Hence, instead of blaming, focus yourself on finding solutions to any issue or challenges that may affect a positive, peaceful and healthy life

Admitting that we are in the habit of blaming others is a huge step in developing a positive environment and attitude.

In my next article, I’ll discuss the common reason for blaming and why it won’t get us anywhere in terms of personal development and living a positive life.

I’d be happy to know your thoughts in the comment section below.

All the best,
King Kong’s Girl

 

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44 comments / Add your comment below

  1. These are some really helpful tips here to think about and adopt. Taking the opportunity to step back and check your own behaviour before blaming others, is a fantastic way to change an outcome. Great Post!

  2. This is a great post. It is really motivated. Most of the time, people around us love to blame other for fault and taking credit . I always face this problem during work. After reading your post, I calm down and reflect my own action. This is a great post and I will definitely share it with other. Cheers!

    Regards
    Jaden

    1. Thanks, Jaden, I’m glad you liked it. Realizing that whatever actions we take, we’re the ones who suffer the consequence will give us the opportunity to see ourselves and the situations around us in a different way. We’ll then be able to analyze how we can change ourselves for the better and at the same time, know how to deal with people around us.

  3. I agree, take responsibility and move on. This is a great lesson in life and your points are right on target.

    Focus on the current situation and not let past actions or experiences shape what you are doing in the future.

    Sometimes your blaming can be so subtle that you don’t realize what your doing, so recognize it and accept it.

    Own it as they say.

    Very nice article and a joy to read.

  4. I try to practice these tips everyday, so I can set an example for my son. I don’t think playing the blame game really gets you anywhere anyway. I will be the first person to admit when I am wrong, or have done something wrong. I feel better when I am just honest from the start. Great tips!

    1. Thank you. That’s true, we’re the ones who set examples for the younger generations. Instead of blaming others, we can view these things as an opportunity to improve ourselves.

  5. This is a lovely post. I will definitely be more careful of what I say and how I say it as I look for the signs that I’m blaming others instead of finding a solution.

    I believe that it will also help identify when others are doing it and it can be brought to their attention.

    Thank you and take care,

    Anne

    1. Thank you Anne, appreciate your comment. What’s important is that we do not waste our time blaming others than creating a positive environment by attending to the problem and finding a solution, just as you said. Enjoy your day!

  6. Not only is blaming a waste of energy, it opens up the door to resentments. When people start pointing the finger at each other, inevitably somebody will be at fault. I like to try and think with compassion when I feel blame coming up, this allows me to very quickly change moods from negative to positive.

    It’s hard to stay mad when you understand that everyone has their own issues. I enjoyed the way you said it “put your feet in other’s shoes”. Thanks for sharing these 7 tips.

    1. Hi Eric, I’m glad you enjoyed it. That’s true, it’s truly a waste of energy and creates a negative environment. The more we crave for a positive life, the more we’ll become conscious of the things we say or do. Enjoy your day.

  7. These are great tips. I think a lot of people struggle with letting things go. We become adapted and accustomed to doing things a certain way and in our heads build things up to how they should be or we think they should be.

    1. Thank you, Melinda. That’s true, it’s easier to look at other’s fault than our own either because we cannot accept ourselves that way or we just don’t want to be held responsible for our actions.

  8. Hey King Kong’s girl, I wish the media and politicians would read your article, if they took a step back and put themselves in the shoes to whom they’re constantly blaming I’m sure the world would be a better place.
    We seem to nowadays live in a blame culture which comes across off-putting to say the least meanwhile provoking blame to others on Social Media is a mighty concern we need to curb.
    I wholeheartedly agree with your second tip regarding ‘Recognise when you’re blaming’ – How many time do we hear ‘What you should have done is………….’ when the blamer is many times ignorant to what the subject’s truly addressing.
    I always take a step back nowadays, sleep on the issue which usually addresses my senses to walk away, makes life extremely less stressful,
    Simon.

    1. Thank you for the kind words, Simon, much appreciated. That’s true, Social Media has pros and cons, one of the things that mirror the freedom to connect with each other, it is also easy to post rant and blames without first checking on what could we do to help share in the solution of an issue. It all starts within. Mahatma Gandhi once quoted, “If you want to change the world, start with yourself.” Like you, I learned how to choose battles based on priorities. It’s more worthy to keep our silent to maintain peace and positivity, fix the issue and work on ourselves to be able to share positive things to the world instead. Wish you success in your every endeavor.

  9. Thanks for these great reminder tips. I love reading anything that makes you stop, reflect and ponder your current situation. We live in such a fast paced society with high stress and quick tempers – that blaming is such an easy option when things don’t go your way. As a parent, these tips will come in very handy! Thanks for the motivational read.

  10. Hi, King Kong’s Girl 🙂
    This was a great post and I can only agree with what you are saying. Trying to have a positive mindset and be grateful for what you have instead of putting energy on something you don’t have or can’t change is very important. People are different which make life great and inspiring!
    //Patrik

    1. Thank you, Patrik, appreciate your comment. That’s true. Having a positive mindset is all about being conscious and mindful of choosing it every single day. It is so easy to get carried away by emotions that’s why most of the time, our judgment, and way of thinking are being clouded. Enjoy your day!

  11. I liked your post so much, I shared it on facebook. I have some friends who can REALLY benefit from these tips. One tip I have for letting go – when I was younger, I used to get a helium balloon, mentally place my troubles, blame or hate inside and let it go, watching the bad emotions go with it. Now, I mentally picture a bunch of balloons and let them go – it really helps me! Thanks for the reminder!

    1. Wow, that was a very nice tip. If doing things like this can help us overcome what’s burdening us, it’s better than not doing anything at all. I love when people share their tips and experience as well. Thank you, Heather! Take care always.

  12. This is a really lovely post, and such as nice reminder to us all. It’s so important to take a breath, and just stop. You described that as “taking a moment to be conscious”. It’s very easy to get wound up and angry, but when we put these tips into practice, it’s amazing how much calmer we can feel. The very act of pausing and taking some deep breaths naturally calms us down, and makes us approach things a little more logically. Thanks for sharing this.

  13. Hi Jenni,
    This is really a good post. As you say it is so much easier to blame others and not see that the problem could rest with you. There are very good points in this post and it would be a good one to have up where you could see it every day just as a reminder to be aware of what you are saying and doing.
    Thank you.
    All the best,
    Jill

    1. Hi Jill, thank you for your kind words. That’s true. Keeping a reminder for ourselves sometimes need to be visible on a daily basis until it becomes our default setting to just focus on dealing with the challenges at hand. I’m glad you can relate to it. Have a good day!

  14. Nice post!! Yes, you are right that it is very much easy to blame others. We should find out solution of things rather than starting blaming for the problem and I liked your tip # 4 – Put your feet in other’s shoes. It will improve our moral character to face any problem and provide us strength to accept our mistakes as well..
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    1. Hi Priya, I’m glad you liked it. That’s true, the more I write and discuss it, the more conscious I become in practicing this on a day-to-day basis. Appreciate you leaving a comment.

  15. Taking responsibility is one of the hardest things humans need to do, as I believe. But, it is in fact the first step towards success. Let it be a win or a loss, we must take responsibility and take action. Keep on writing!

    1. I agree with you, Saumya. But taking responsibility also takes courage, most people are scared to do things they wanted as well as face any unfavorable consequences of their actions. Most of the time, this is the reason why people would rather blame. Thank you for dropping by.

  16. Our success and failures are truly entirely up to us. I know it can be tough in certain situation. But at the end of the day, it’s all up to us. Besides fault finding can be so exhausting! Better to put that energy into moving forward with a clear head!
    And failure in particular always becomes whatever we make of it. We can always find the hidden(or obvious) lesson in it and grow from there.

  17. Great post!
    Indeed, we should learn to give up on discussion with no end. We should make an introspection in ourselves before blaming others. We are not perfect. We need to find the peace with us and others.
    Thanks for the post!

  18. It is so very true that we blame others too often. I guess it does feel
    difficult to ‘take the blame’ ourself.

    If we can ‘own up’ to a situation and as you say ‘accept that we are part of
    it’ then that seems to be half of the difficulty already. Or also you say ‘put
    our self in the others shoes’ can be a big plus too.

    It does seem to boil down to the love and we have to work these things out.
    This was a good post!

    1. Thank you, Tom, I’m glad you liked it. As we wake up every single day, we need to remind ourselves to get out of the negative habits in order to live a life far from negativities as well. Since happiness is a choice, anything that will cause our unhappiness also lies on how we will respond to people and situations. Blaming is one of the many things that will cause disagreements and destroy peace, aside from the fact that blaming others hinders our personal growth and development.

  19. Thank you for this thought provoking post. It made me look at myself and wonder if and how often I blame others for things I do wrong.
    You had some very good points which would make for much happier living if we would follow the suggestions.

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